new to me car!

Since last may when i moved back home from California, i haven't had a car. In the summer it worked well because my dad has a classic 1964 Simca that he drives to his drum lessons since there 30 seconds up the street and i would have his jeep but once winter hit and the Simca went back into storage, i was out of luck. My dad and i would trade and barter his jeep, whoever had more important stuff to do got the jeep, or sometimes he would drive me to work and take it for the day. Then my ex husband got a DUI (idiot) and since he couldn't drive and i co-signed on the car, he handed the keys over to me. I had the car for about 4 months from november till march, which worked perfectly. Then he got his driving privelages back and i had to hand over the keys..which sucked. That was the same week Blaine came into town, however my best friend was out of town the same week and she let me use her car. I have been very blessed to have so many generous people handing over their keys to me...butttt i have been longing for my own car. Something that is strictly MINE!
For the past month i have been perusing craigslist for hours on end searching for the perfect car in my 3000 budget....although i have to say when it comes to cars i am quite picky. Growing up with my dad and brother as car buffs i've learned quite a lot. I was searching for a Saab, but not just any Saab, i wanted the PERFECT Saab.
   My family loves Saabs, My grandpa owned one, My dad has one (being restored), My brother has had a few and has one now, My sister and brother in law own 3 (2 being restored) Sooo we know the car well... to say the least.   I was being quite picky with my search and also had my dad and brother on the hunt....until we found this gem.  A 1989 (same age as me) Saab 900 turbo convertible with only 75,000 miles that has never ever seen a winter..... downfall.... It's stick. We went to see it this past friday and i fell in love, i had to have it.  My dad had to test drive it since i couldn't drive stick...till today, and my dad also fell in love with it. I have a feeling it will be going to Carlisle for their annual Saab car show this may...
  So today i became a proud owner of a Saab 900 turbo..

She's allll mine!

People may not think she is pretty and heck she's kinda old, but she is perfect to me, were bonding over our age!
Luckily, right after we bought her we went to dinner at my brothers house, and he needed something from the store so he handed me my keys and said...come on lets go. Of course i said no, i don't know how. He laughed and replied, yea, and now your gonna learn...come on. So he pulled it out and took it around the block explaining things the whole way. Then it was my turn. I stalled out...alot but once i got going i had no problems shifting, down shifting or breaking....just the stopping and starting.. At one point on a side street (yes we only took side streets) I came to a stop and a truck pulled right up to my bumper, i got nervous and started to panic , and stalled out...then stalled out again, and again.. After about 3x i was almost in tears because i had actually been doing pretty great till then. The truck floored around me and the driver screamed "Learn how to drive strick *******. I had tears in my eyes and yelled..thats what i'm doing.. However my brother got out of the car and screamed ITS HER FIRST TIME JERK! My big bro can be quite protective. After that things went smoothly. After we left the store we practiced some starts and stops in the parking lot and i got a LOT better. Still having trouble with the whole feathering off the clutch giving a little gas thing. But, i have to say, Blaine would be proud of his fiance if he saw how well i did. After dinner my dad drove the car home and i took it around the block a few times all by myself..and did perfectly. I think i'll be ready to start commuting in her in about a week.  Until then, i'll keep practicing, and admiring my pretty new car.

ahhhh perfection...

Just a little rant...

Being a young mother, i have witnessed quite a lot of judgement from others, who know nothing about me. Everything from rude glares, to smart comments, and very personal questions. If you know me as most of you who read this do, it comes as no surprise that i am quite witty and usually have something smart to say back. That being said sometimes i just can NOT believe what comes out of peoples mouths.
The reason i bring this up is today i was shopping at walmart for spring clothes for Emmie, the temp here in Cleveland has sky rocketed and it has been in the 80's almost everyday for the past 2 weeks, and most of emmies clothes from last summer just dont fit.
 So today, while out shopping with Emery and my dad, my dad and i seperated for a few minutes while i was looking at clothes with Emmie and he was looking for the sunscreen i needed. Emmie was kind of in a bad mood she hadn't napped and i had errands to run before her father came to get her so we went. Emmie was holding one of the shirts i was getting her and it kept slipping off the hanger and she would cry, and i would fix it, and this went on.... Well a woman walked by me, with her teenage daughter during this and looked at her daughter and said.. and i quote "I feel like im watching an episode of 16 & pregnant"  I didn't really know wether to laugh or cry. So i looked at her and said "Excuse me!" and she just laughed and kept walking.

When my dad came back over i didn't even tell him, there was no point because he probably would have hunted the woman down and had quite a few not so nice things to say to her. Besides it isn't the first time something like that has been said to me. The crazy thing to me, this woman doesn't know me at all, she has no clue of my age, my relationship ..or even if i was just baby sitting. She knew NOTHING! All she saw was emmie crying over her shirt falling off of the hanger and me putting it back on and telling her to be more careful so her new shirt doesn't get dirty. How that screams episode of 16 & pregnant i'm not sure.  So while I am already on a rant, i will share some other examples.

One time, while out with Emery shopping at babies r us in California a woman came over to gush over how cute Emery was. Being who i am i said aw thank you, then she asked if i had any more children to which i kindly replied, "Nope, she is my one and only for now" then she said "Well thats good, being a teen mother to one is hard enough, let alone more." Now maybe this woman was a teen mom and she was just trying to be sweet...but I was 21...she didn't ask my age, she had NO clue! I simply smiled and walked the other way.

Another time, When i was teaching sunday school at my old church i subbed in for the nursery class that Emery was in, normally i taught 3 year olds but it was my off week and the nursery for "waddlers and walkers" was short handed, so i offered to help. There was only one women in there that i had never worked with, and at first she didn't know Emery was my daughter. So at one point, Emery was playing with another little girl who was about the same age 18 or so months at the time, and This little girl stole the ball Emmie was playing with, and like any toddler would do, Emery pushed her down. I was busy tending to other kids and there was alot of help there so obviously i didn't respond. Also because as Emery's mom i wanted Emery to respect other adults. This woman (ugh i wish i rememberd her name) made some remark about how "Emery just didn't ever play well with others because she was obviously spoiled" to another helper..who knew i was Emery's mom.. and she kind of just stood there dumbfounded. I heard this and turned to the woman and said.. Yes my daughter IS SPOILED and YES she is an only child... But she isn't acting ANY different then any of these other toddlers do when one of the toys they are playing with gets taken away. She quickly apologized but then started asking me all these questions.. The one that got me the most was.. "Why did you want to have a child so young?" .... i don't quite remember what my answers were and i do remember the questions getting more probing.. and i also remember requesting to never work with her again.. which i didn't.. actually i never saw her again. I complained to our cordinator because i felt that she wasn't setting a very good "Christian" example especially for the young teens we had that often helped us. So maybe they decided to not let her work there...

My whole point for this blog is, to just make people think before they pass judgement. I know we all do we are only human. But maybe next time you see a mother struggling with her child.. say something like.. "oh man i've had those days" with a smile or, even help her out. Or get to know a person if you think they are struggling, maybe you could be a blessing to them. I wouldn't trade being a young mother for anything in the world. Emery was the best deciscion i ever made. I just hope that as she grows up she knows what a blessing she is to me, and i'll be sure to remind her every chance i get.

With all that being said, i am off to sleep!

a fun picture post..

I meant to post these in my last blog but my computer was being really terrible yesterday soooo here they are...

i actually remember this day we were both sick haha

Blaines 22nd birthday dinner...you can't tell because its dark but we were standing on the cliffs with the ocean behind us.

shes loved him since day one.. She had just turned 2

one of my all time favorites

love this one <3

  These pictures make me smile..I am so thankful for camera phones haha

Were engaged!

So there was one thing i didn't mention in my last blog... because we wanted our family and friends to hear it first from us and not a blog or someone else but now everyone knows soooo i can say it!
He asked and i said Yes! Of course i did i would have been a fool not to! I am so very blessed to have found someone that doesn't just love me but loves Emery as well. From day one Blaine knew that it wasn't just me, and thats tough especially since he was 21 when we started dating. He definitely could have ran in the opposite direction as fast as possible but he didn't!
 Blaine was instantly connected with not just me but Emmie as well, and everything just kind of fell into place with us. I am so very excited to join his family, i love them all so much and have felt like part of the family since the first time he brought me home to meet everyone!
I can't wait for us to start our life together. This is just the beginning....

what a week!

Blaine was here for a week...and it flew by, as it usually does. I hate saying bye to him even when i know its really only see you later...i always end up a sobbing mess! But we had an incredible week together and i have some awesome pictures.

We had alot of fun, Emery opened right up to blaine on thursday while i was at school He got to spend some quality one on one time with Emmie which was definitely needed and this is what happens while mom is away.

look at those smiles.

i think she loves him.

he sent me those pictures while i was at school..and i had to rush home and be with them..which i did!

They day i went to pick blaine up from the airport i had Emmie with me, while we were waiting for him another little girl was waiting for her grandma with her mom and little baby brother and had this adorable snow white barbie doll..Emmie fell in love and threw a fit over it while we waited...Luckily the little girl was willing to share but Emmie still insisted she get one.. So Blaine and I decided we would get her one, but we got her belle instead, and Blaine also bought her a new princess game for her leap pad...here was Em's reaction to her first ever barbie...

We also had a really fun time and took Emmie to the new Cleveland Aquarium and althought it was a BIT pricey, her smiles were worth it....the thing she wanted to see the most..."the hammer shark" as she called it...my favorite creature was this thing...

crazy right...

Blaine and i loved the touch tank i think we spent a good 45 minutes there alone...Emmie kept saying she wanted to touch too, but once a sting ray or shark got to close she would freak out..but she loved it.
She was so fascinated by all the different fish that she would run from one tank to the other tank ooohing and ahhing...we tried to keep up. She left with a cute little hammer head shark stuffed animal...and she has slept with it ever since.

We did a bunch of other fun stuff sooo bring on the pictures.!! here they are!

love

right before he left, but we were all smiles ;-)

she was having way to much fun.

I have a few more, but these are my favorites. It was amazing having him here...Now im going to attempt to go to sleep....

ecstatic

in just 2 hours i will be leaving to go pick up Blaine from the airport...my stomach has been doing flips all day and i could barely sleep last night!! This is nothing new though even when we both lived with our friends in cali when i would hear his truck coming home i would get excited..its always been that way.
When i went to visit him in november when i saw him waiting for me i got so light headed and excited i almost blacked out on the escalator haha.  I am seriously not exagerating, theres just something about him!

On to something else, yesterday i had to go to the doctor. I have seen the same doctor since i was like 13 - the few years i lived in cali. I also worked for her when i was 16. She is CRAZY..When i say crazy i literally mean it. She is romanian and about 45 years old and last time i saw her she looked like a 40 year old. Now ...She has bleach blonde hair has had a face lift and a boob job and yea...she looks good but still. I also saw her new sparkly bmw parked out front....Owning your own practice and being on the medical board of one of the most prestigious heart hospitals in the world (Cleveland Clinic) obviously has it's perks..
Now when i worked for her she treated me terribly which is why i quit..She called me the C word in front of an entire waiting room full of patients..and i responded by saying some not so nice things and walking out.. But the reason i still go to her is in 2007 she found my moms cancer...and saved my moms life.. thats one of those things that makes her worth it. She is a GREAT doctor. But yesterday i had to get blood drawn and a bunch of other things...now im nervous for the results of my thyroid panel....and i wont hear about it for probably a week.
When my mom had Lung cancer in 2007 she also found out she had Graves Disease. A thyroid disease and had to have her thyroid removed...after that she gained nearly 50 lbs because of the steroids she had to take to make up for the missing thyroid.. My brother and oldest sister also have thyroid problems..and since ive lost alot of weight recently and my anxiety has been terrible.. They think my thyroid is overactive.....ugh 
I got put on new medicine for my anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies...and heres to hoping they work....for the love of everything i hope they do!

But now i am off to go make myself look pretty so i can pick my gorgeous boy up from the airport..
I'll try not to pass out...but im not making any promises... I can't wait for Emmie to see him , she has been talking about him ALLLLLL day!!!
EEEK
 <3 Paula

23

I celebrated my 23rd birthday this past friday. It was sorta bittersweet. On one hand i can say i am very happy with where i am at at 23 on the other hand, theres just a lot of things i would have changed.. But coulda woulda shoulda's don't get you anywhere in my life...as my boyfriend would say..
"You can what if all day, but it doesn't change anything" ... I tend to dwell in the past alot..im not talking years in the past but even day to day...just oh wow i wish i would have done that/dealt with that this way..or what if i had done this instead...

I was downloading a bunch of music and one of my favorite bands is a Christian rock band called Safetysuit..there first cd was amazing filled with really powerful real life lyrics that nearly everyone can relate to, and there new cd came out so i knew i had to download it...and i came across this song with these lyrics

If you don’t believe in what you’ve got
It’s like you can’t see that you’re enough
He damaged you too many times
Now all you see are all the lies

You gotta believe in what you’ve got
You gotta believe in what you’ve got

If you gotta cry, then let it out
If you gotta scream, let me hear you shout
Cause you got a life, you’re letting go
See you’ve got a past, but I don’t know

The song is called Believe...and its pretty great.. There first cd is still my favorite but they have a one republic feel..

 

...and now im off to listen to some music and pass out..on another note just 3 days!!!