in just 2 hours i will be leaving to go pick up Blaine from the airport...my stomach has been doing flips all day and i could barely sleep last night!! This is nothing new though even when we both lived with our friends in cali when i would hear his truck coming home i would get excited..its always been that way.
When i went to visit him in november when i saw him waiting for me i got so light headed and excited i almost blacked out on the escalator haha. I am seriously not exagerating, theres just something about him!
On to something else, yesterday i had to go to the doctor. I have seen the same doctor since i was like 13 - the few years i lived in cali. I also worked for her when i was 16. She is CRAZY..When i say crazy i literally mean it. She is romanian and about 45 years old and last time i saw her she looked like a 40 year old. Now ...She has bleach blonde hair has had a face lift and a boob job and yea...she looks good but still. I also saw her new sparkly bmw parked out front....Owning your own practice and being on the medical board of one of the most prestigious heart hospitals in the world (Cleveland Clinic) obviously has it's perks..
Now when i worked for her she treated me terribly which is why i quit..She called me the C word in front of an entire waiting room full of patients..and i responded by saying some not so nice things and walking out.. But the reason i still go to her is in 2007 she found my moms cancer...and saved my moms life.. thats one of those things that makes her worth it. She is a GREAT doctor. But yesterday i had to get blood drawn and a bunch of other things...now im nervous for the results of my thyroid panel....and i wont hear about it for probably a week.
When my mom had Lung cancer in 2007 she also found out she had Graves Disease. A thyroid disease and had to have her thyroid removed...after that she gained nearly 50 lbs because of the steroids she had to take to make up for the missing thyroid.. My brother and oldest sister also have thyroid problems..and since ive lost alot of weight recently and my anxiety has been terrible.. They think my thyroid is overactive.....ugh
I got put on new medicine for my anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies...and heres to hoping they work....for the love of everything i hope they do!
But now i am off to go make myself look pretty so i can pick my gorgeous boy up from the airport..
I'll try not to pass out...but im not making any promises... I can't wait for Emmie to see him , she has been talking about him ALLLLLL day!!!
EEEK
<3 Paula
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
23
I celebrated my 23rd birthday this past friday. It was sorta bittersweet. On one hand i can say i am very happy with where i am at at 23 on the other hand, theres just a lot of things i would have changed.. But coulda woulda shoulda's don't get you anywhere in my life...as my boyfriend would say..
"You can what if all day, but it doesn't change anything" ... I tend to dwell in the past alot..im not talking years in the past but even day to day...just oh wow i wish i would have done that/dealt with that this way..or what if i had done this instead...
I was downloading a bunch of music and one of my favorite bands is a Christian rock band called Safetysuit..there first cd was amazing filled with really powerful real life lyrics that nearly everyone can relate to, and there new cd came out so i knew i had to download it...and i came across this song with these lyrics
"You can what if all day, but it doesn't change anything" ... I tend to dwell in the past alot..im not talking years in the past but even day to day...just oh wow i wish i would have done that/dealt with that this way..or what if i had done this instead...
I was downloading a bunch of music and one of my favorite bands is a Christian rock band called Safetysuit..there first cd was amazing filled with really powerful real life lyrics that nearly everyone can relate to, and there new cd came out so i knew i had to download it...and i came across this song with these lyrics
If you don’t believe in what you’ve got
It’s like you can’t see that you’re enough
He damaged you too many times
Now all you see are all the lies
You gotta believe in what you’ve got
You gotta believe in what you’ve got
If you gotta cry, then let it out
If you gotta scream, let me hear you shout
Cause you got a life, you’re letting go
See you’ve got a past, but I don’t know
The song is called Believe...and its pretty great.. There first cd is still my favorite but they have a one republic feel..
It’s like you can’t see that you’re enough
He damaged you too many times
Now all you see are all the lies
You gotta believe in what you’ve got
You gotta believe in what you’ve got
If you gotta cry, then let it out
If you gotta scream, let me hear you shout
Cause you got a life, you’re letting go
See you’ve got a past, but I don’t know
The song is called Believe...and its pretty great.. There first cd is still my favorite but they have a one republic feel..
...and now im off to listen to some music and pass out..on another note just 3 days!!!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
what do toddlers do at 11pm at night?
Well mine doesn't sleep... Lately at least. Tonight was pretty entertaining though..I laid Emery down for bed at around 8, i heard her up at 9:30 so i went in there, she had went potty and was complaining that she was hungry. So i brought her out for a snack then laid her back down..She was quiet for a while so i was catching up on my dvr'd shows. Then all of a sudden i hear stomping in her room and her babbling..so i peek around the corner and see her light on..So of course i walk in..and this is what i found...
she destroyed her room..almost every item of clothing was on the ground so were toys and bits of paper...How she managed to be this destructive and so quiet i have NO IDEA.. but i couldn't even be upset...i mean look at that face...Oh did i mention she changed herself out of her pj's into THAT outfit, headband, plastic heels and all.. Definitely can not be mad.. I convinced her to get back in bed..and after about 5 minutes she was passed out. She is seriously amazing..
On to other things, There is alot of great things about being in cosmetology school but the best would be how amazing change is, you can seriously make people look years younger, or even older and also accentuate features or diminish them just by cutting or coloring someones hair!.. And i love change when it comes to hair and fashion..I hate looking the same all the time..So i was searching for some inspiration and came across this picture of this girl with this deep violet hair...and i new i had to have it..So i did it today..it came out great however in regular light it just looks black but in sunlight it looks a gorgeous deep violet color..I took some pictures with my new phone and some of them came out pretty cool..Dark hair really makes my green eyes pop...so here they are!
On to other things, There is alot of great things about being in cosmetology school but the best would be how amazing change is, you can seriously make people look years younger, or even older and also accentuate features or diminish them just by cutting or coloring someones hair!.. And i love change when it comes to hair and fashion..I hate looking the same all the time..So i was searching for some inspiration and came across this picture of this girl with this deep violet hair...and i new i had to have it..So i did it today..it came out great however in regular light it just looks black but in sunlight it looks a gorgeous deep violet color..I took some pictures with my new phone and some of them came out pretty cool..Dark hair really makes my green eyes pop...so here they are!
I am very happy with the results..its so much fun to change your haircolor.
Then i took a silly classic duck face picture and lemme say..the duck face isn't flattering on me..but hey my eyes look pretty sweet.
oh man haha
on that note, im off to sleep!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
In 12 days.....
In 12 days..Just 12 days i get to see ....................
My boyfriend!
Words can not describe how excited i am, he has never been to Ohio so it will be fun, plus we live two completely different lifestyles....Im excited for him to finally meet my family after a year and a half and see where i grew up. And i am so excited for Emmie to see him. She asks about him alot and i know she loves and missed him..She hasn't seen him since last may and she has definitely changed a WHOLE lot so i can't wait to see how he reacts to her. This isn't exactly a surprise to me that he is coming, we have been talking about it since i was last there in November, but we didn't know exactly when...we played around with a few ideas but the other night he emailed me the itenerary..i about peed myself... then started screaming with excitement... No, im not exagerating i literally screamed. I turn 23 in a week and i could care less about that day..because my present comes on the 7th that is the best birthday present i could EVER ask for!!
I was really hoping to add a few cute pictures of us to this post...but I have a new phone and they were all on my old one which i haven't hooked up to my comp to take them off yet...So OH well.. I'll post some great ones after his visit..
and until then i will just keep myself busy with Emmie and school and try to contain my excitement..
ahh who am i kidding that's not possible!! Ah I love him, i am pretty lucky to have such a great guy. He knows just how to make me smile .
on that note.. Goodnight!
My boyfriend!
Words can not describe how excited i am, he has never been to Ohio so it will be fun, plus we live two completely different lifestyles....Im excited for him to finally meet my family after a year and a half and see where i grew up. And i am so excited for Emmie to see him. She asks about him alot and i know she loves and missed him..She hasn't seen him since last may and she has definitely changed a WHOLE lot so i can't wait to see how he reacts to her. This isn't exactly a surprise to me that he is coming, we have been talking about it since i was last there in November, but we didn't know exactly when...we played around with a few ideas but the other night he emailed me the itenerary..i about peed myself... then started screaming with excitement... No, im not exagerating i literally screamed. I turn 23 in a week and i could care less about that day..because my present comes on the 7th that is the best birthday present i could EVER ask for!!
I was really hoping to add a few cute pictures of us to this post...but I have a new phone and they were all on my old one which i haven't hooked up to my comp to take them off yet...So OH well.. I'll post some great ones after his visit..
and until then i will just keep myself busy with Emmie and school and try to contain my excitement..
ahh who am i kidding that's not possible!! Ah I love him, i am pretty lucky to have such a great guy. He knows just how to make me smile .
on that note.. Goodnight!
Friday, February 17, 2012
some news
2 weeks ago i put my 2 weeks notice in at davids for MANY reasons, The main reason being my unhapiness there.. I was being treated terribly there, I did go to HR and once i did my schedule went from about 30 hours a week magically down to 7 ... Supposedly for "No reason at all" .. So i talked to my family and friends and everyone agreed..time to go. I am honestly SO happy with my deciscion my anxiety has been not so bad and im getting more time with Emery. I know im going to have to find another job but im gonna give myself a week or 2 to just hang with my princess!..
In other news last sunday i did a wedding me and my friend from school dd the bridesmaids hair. It came out fabulously and i was really proud of myself It was a huge boost in confidence and really reassured me that i am in the right field. So here are some pictures.. I didn't take as many as i would have liked and i forgot to take them after we put flowers in everyones hair but even still it looks good.
Those were 2 of the 3 i did and i only got one girl with the flowers in.. But i gotta say it was so much fun and i made 30 dollars an hour.. Not bad for 3 hours work.
Can't wait to be doing this for a living!
In other news last sunday i did a wedding me and my friend from school dd the bridesmaids hair. It came out fabulously and i was really proud of myself It was a huge boost in confidence and really reassured me that i am in the right field. So here are some pictures.. I didn't take as many as i would have liked and i forgot to take them after we put flowers in everyones hair but even still it looks good.
Can't wait to be doing this for a living!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
croup...again
I have been sick the last few days...like can't move can't breathe sick and of course Emery got it too.... however every time Emmie gets sick it turns into something worse... Last night Emery started coughing....and i instantly heard the barking seal sound....So even though it was 2 am i shoved Emery into the car and took her into the ER....The doctor confirmed what i already knew...croup..so a steroid shot and breathing treatment later we were able to go home.. However, this isn't the first time Emmie has had croup..In fact..It's the third..She had it the first time 3 weeks after coming home from the Nicu..Then again last year when i was home visiting for my valentines day and my birthday..and again now. It really is one of the scariest sounds in the world... but she seems better now..soo ill just keep watching her for the next few days and hope she gets better...off to sleep.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
15 things i want Emery to remember as she grows up
So i kind of stole this idea from another mommy blogger but i thought it was amazing.
Although Emery is only 3 i see her adult mind forming right in front of me...and there are somethings i never want her to forget...
Dear Emery,
All though you are only 3 years old, you amaze me everyday, you hold adult conversations with me, you know just how to make me smile when i'm down..Sometimes i think you know I am down even if am not showing it...maybe you really do. Your personality amazes me, your alot like me in so many ways outgoing and outspoken...you never hold back.. For all these reasons and more..I love and adore you and here are somethings i hope you will remember,
1. I hope you never lose you willingness to try new things...wether it be making silly faces to make someone laugh or putting bright orange lipstick on. (orange really isn't your color, but you still looked adorable)
2. I hope you still reach out for me when you need me, wether it's because a boy broke your heart, or you did something embarassing...I know even when your in your 20's I will still want to feel needed by you.
3. I hope you never lose your imagination....someday you might want it to escape to paradise in your head when your own children are driving you nuts... or a boss is treating you terribly..
4. I hope you never let someone manipulate you...You are the boss of you knowbody else is...well i am till your 18...but no one else should be ;-) ...
5. I hope you always smile over the little things... sometimes the little things are what keeps us going...and your smile is one of the things i will never take for granted.
6. I hope you sing loudly and dance whenever you want... Even if it is off key..although i know you and it won't be...i hear you sing in my car everyday and your always in tune it amazes me and makes me smile....Until i realize that you just sung a cuss word...I really need to monitor my radio station choices while your in the car....
7. I hope you never lose your curiosity.. even though sometmes your constant "what's that?" and "that?" drive me batty...i secretly think about all the questions you asked me at the end of everynight and smile over how friggin cute you are.
8. I hope you always give out compliments like you do now... honestly hearing you say "Mommy your beautiful" is usually the highlight of my day, because i know its genuine...I hope that as you grow older you can always give a compliment over an insult...
9. With that last one being said..I still hope you never lose your outspokeness, this is a traight you got straight from me and one im quite proud of...although i know one day it will get you into trouble...sometimes you just need to say what your thinking and dont hold back....
10. I hope you always fear bugs...okay this one is partially for me...mostly because i never want you to come home with a pet that you have to feed crickets or meal worms to. ... Ew please dont.
11. I hope you always enjoy what you see when you look in the mirror...Everyday after you get dressed you go look in the mirror at yourself and say "mommy i cute" ..and i always reply..yes Emery your beautiful...you truly are.. I hope as you grow older everytime you look in the mirror you can say "I am beautiful" because in this day and age as women we strive to look a certain way...but no matter what beauty is also who you are on the inside and i have no doubt that you will always be a beautiful person.
12. I hope you always Thank God for the blessings and turn to Him when you need him... I know that you haven't been to Church in a long tme...(something i should be smacking myself for) but i hope that as you grow you can develop your own love in God..I will not push it on you, i want you to have faith...I don't want faith to be pushed upon you...
13. I hope you never fear life...Speaking from experience, life just doesn't go as planned...so just don't get upset when something doesn't go exactly how you want...everything works out...
14. I hope you will always leave your heart open for love, love is a magical things wether its from friends, family or a lucky man that will one day steal your heart, or women....Depeding on what you so chose. Either way.. Keep yourself open to love.... because it really is an amazing thing.
and lastly
15. I hope you never ever forget what a miracle you are to me. My little 3lb 12oz , 15 inch miracle..You were right then and always will be perfection in my eyes...
I am sure as you grow older this list will grow longer...but for now..it will do..
I love you ms.emmie mae.. you are my world.
love always, Mommy
Although Emery is only 3 i see her adult mind forming right in front of me...and there are somethings i never want her to forget...
Dear Emery,
All though you are only 3 years old, you amaze me everyday, you hold adult conversations with me, you know just how to make me smile when i'm down..Sometimes i think you know I am down even if am not showing it...maybe you really do. Your personality amazes me, your alot like me in so many ways outgoing and outspoken...you never hold back.. For all these reasons and more..I love and adore you and here are somethings i hope you will remember,
1. I hope you never lose you willingness to try new things...wether it be making silly faces to make someone laugh or putting bright orange lipstick on. (orange really isn't your color, but you still looked adorable)
2. I hope you still reach out for me when you need me, wether it's because a boy broke your heart, or you did something embarassing...I know even when your in your 20's I will still want to feel needed by you.
3. I hope you never lose your imagination....someday you might want it to escape to paradise in your head when your own children are driving you nuts... or a boss is treating you terribly..
4. I hope you never let someone manipulate you...You are the boss of you knowbody else is...well i am till your 18...but no one else should be ;-) ...
5. I hope you always smile over the little things... sometimes the little things are what keeps us going...and your smile is one of the things i will never take for granted.
6. I hope you sing loudly and dance whenever you want... Even if it is off key..although i know you and it won't be...i hear you sing in my car everyday and your always in tune it amazes me and makes me smile....Until i realize that you just sung a cuss word...I really need to monitor my radio station choices while your in the car....
7. I hope you never lose your curiosity.. even though sometmes your constant "what's that?" and "that?" drive me batty...i secretly think about all the questions you asked me at the end of everynight and smile over how friggin cute you are.
8. I hope you always give out compliments like you do now... honestly hearing you say "Mommy your beautiful" is usually the highlight of my day, because i know its genuine...I hope that as you grow older you can always give a compliment over an insult...
9. With that last one being said..I still hope you never lose your outspokeness, this is a traight you got straight from me and one im quite proud of...although i know one day it will get you into trouble...sometimes you just need to say what your thinking and dont hold back....
10. I hope you always fear bugs...okay this one is partially for me...mostly because i never want you to come home with a pet that you have to feed crickets or meal worms to. ... Ew please dont.
11. I hope you always enjoy what you see when you look in the mirror...Everyday after you get dressed you go look in the mirror at yourself and say "mommy i cute" ..and i always reply..yes Emery your beautiful...you truly are.. I hope as you grow older everytime you look in the mirror you can say "I am beautiful" because in this day and age as women we strive to look a certain way...but no matter what beauty is also who you are on the inside and i have no doubt that you will always be a beautiful person.
12. I hope you always Thank God for the blessings and turn to Him when you need him... I know that you haven't been to Church in a long tme...(something i should be smacking myself for) but i hope that as you grow you can develop your own love in God..I will not push it on you, i want you to have faith...I don't want faith to be pushed upon you...
13. I hope you never fear life...Speaking from experience, life just doesn't go as planned...so just don't get upset when something doesn't go exactly how you want...everything works out...
14. I hope you will always leave your heart open for love, love is a magical things wether its from friends, family or a lucky man that will one day steal your heart, or women....Depeding on what you so chose. Either way.. Keep yourself open to love.... because it really is an amazing thing.
and lastly
15. I hope you never ever forget what a miracle you are to me. My little 3lb 12oz , 15 inch miracle..You were right then and always will be perfection in my eyes...
I am sure as you grow older this list will grow longer...but for now..it will do..
I love you ms.emmie mae.. you are my world.
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