Some BIG changes.

Some big things are happening, On monday i start Cosmetology school, something i have wanted to do for YEARS. Ever since i started working at a salon in California back in 08 i realized i had a huge love for it, I actually enrolled in school and was set to start and then found out i was pregnant with Emery and with their absence policy i backed out before my start date. Then i stayed home with Emery and that was the most important thing. Now i am divorced and I need to provide for Emery. right now i am getting by with mostly support of my parents, but for one that is not who i am and two i feel it is important for Emery to know that even though i had her young i still achieved my goals. I am excited about starting school and also nervous, because now i will not be spending as much one on one time with  Emery because i will also be working, but i know this is whats best for us. No matter where i end up living in the long run i have to prove that I can provide for Emery and myself.  I just hope i don't end up messing everything else up..

Other things in the works, some youtube covers :-) , Our Country band is on a hiatus as of right now for winter, hoping to be back up and playing gigs in the spring, but my guitarist Art and myself will be doing some covers and getting them on youtube and also putting together a new demo of our band and getting it out to our favorite spots before spring!  Art has his guitar parts and the bass parts all recorded so all thats left is to layer in my vocals and my dads drums and VOILA! I am very excited about this, singing is a HUGE part of my life. When im upset , happy, anxious...well honestly any emotion you will here me belting out a tune somehwere around the house.. My parents say this is how they know im home most of the time..Because i'll be doing my makeup in the bathroom with Emmie by my side and were both singing loudly. I have to say I love the fact that my dad and i are in a band, I have always loved my dads passion for music and he has taught me well and also encouraged me every step of the way. The best thing is, when im nervous on stage, i just take a glance back at my dad behind the drums and he gives me that smile, the smile that says "It's alright baby girl, give it everything you got!" and my fears melt away. Plus having my dad on stage with me gives me that feeling of safety, i know no one is going to mess with me with my whole crew of "seasoned" musicians behind me..

I may come off as a very confident person, on and off stage, but the truth is, i am most certaintly not. I have so many fears, especailly right now. I am fearful of disappointing Emery (something im sure nearly every mother things at some point) , I am so very fearful of losing people in my life that mean the most.. I guess it doesnt help that i have horrible anxiety..i hide it well , but the people that know me best know when i am at my worst..

And with that being said..It's time to sleep.. and hopefully stay asleep..
Goodnight world!