update and story

okay so i know im not very creative with my blog titles but seriously...i usually start with one topic and go on to another sooo yea...
anyways i will start by saying we had a great Christmas, No snow but still great! Emmie was spoiled rotten and got alot of awesome gifts...one of my particular favorites is the porcelian tinkerbelle tea set my grandma got her....(insert sarcasm) now i must admit Emmie loves them and really enjoyed "pouring tea" and having a tea party with EVERYONE in the family but theres nothing worse then hearing a porcelain tea cup BOUNCE off her wood floor...She hasn't broken one yet, those things are pretty damn sturdy but im already dreading the day i have to sweep up tiny shards of tea cup off her wood floor...But she loves them and i really truly enjoy our emmie mommy teddy bear tea parties.. One of the things i got her pairs perfectly and its pretty dang awesome i got her this plastic fake food set but..its a cake and there in slices and everything is velcro and it came with these plastic rasberries, strawberries, cookies and whip cream toppings that velcro on to the top of the cake and then she can slice them and put them on plates so it goes perfectly with the tea party.. it is ALOT cuter then i am describing it and its perfect for her age!
I also got some pretty awesome christmas gifts, i got a beautiful purple hand croched afghan from my other family in Idaho along with my favorite candies from there and some awesome "I like Milk" stuff... Gotta love Dairy farmers! My favorite is my new sparkly compact with jewels that says "I like Milk" on it.. its perfect. I also got a brand new grey and purple comforter set from my parents along with some new pj's and makeup. So it was a pretty awesome Christmas...even with the family disputes keeping everyone from being in the same place at once and my poor parents having to do Christmas Eve in shifts or as i called it.. "waves"
Soooo Onto another subject..

Tonight..
Tonight i came home from school at 9:30 like usual and walked in and Emmie was already in bed, so i went to the kitchen and made myself a salad...as i was eating my dad tells me that Emery asked to go to bed around 8, so they tucked her in, but i could hear her in her room just chatting away..So i figured i would stop in and say hi..so as i walk up to her door i hear her having a full on conversation, she was talking about Santa and what she got and how some toy was at her dads house..then she would pause, laugh and say something else...I heard her say, "YES! Santa is real!" and "Well mine is yellow..." then i realized who she was talking to...My Grandpa....I often feel him around, my Grandma does too and Emmie only met him a few times but they had a great connection, she would always climb into his lap when we were there and Summer 2010 when i was home for the whole summer right before he passed Emmie and my grandpa saw alot of eachother...So as she was having the conversation, i just said to God, "God if that is my Grandpa with Emery in there talking , give me a sign..." Well, i don't know if my Grandpa or God delivered this sign but what happend next was truly amazing, and brought tears to my eyes...First let me say i was RIDICULOUSLY quiet by Emery's door, she didn't hear me creep up and there was NO way she knew i was listening because i had been standing there for about 10 minutes...but after i said that in my head...Emmie stopped talking...and all she said was... Hi Mom, I know your at the door.... just like that..then she laughed and said, I know, mommy is silly.. My eyes welled up with tears, i truly feel like that was my grandpas way of saying YUP I'm here!! Then Emmie said...Goodnight Mommy..and continued on rambling about how she goes pee on the potty and wears panties now... Normally i won't go up to my room until i know Emery is for sure asleep but, tonight i did.. She's in safe hands...
I wish Emery could have known her great grandpa the way i did, i wished she could have known the way he smelled like lotion all the time and felt the way he hugged right before we left there house...Most off all i wish she could have heard his first hand stories about world war 2 and working at Nasa, but I know he is watching over her, and all of us and that alone fills me up with joy. He was a great man, and i miss him more and more everyday. .

Last Memorial Day, Emmie at my Grandpas grave..

2 blog posts in one day!! Whattt!!!

Alright so i am posting again today, but hey it may be a few days before i get to my schedule is kinda crazy.
So i just have to toot my own horn because i am very proud of myself! Today at school we had are skin unit test and i got 100% plus i got 100% on all of my rubrics which are basically practical tests. I was pretty happy with myself and i have been taking notes like a mad man and reviewing every night.. 
Emery was really cute when i got home i told her i got an A on my test, and my parents and Emmie clapped for me, it was pretty cute.  Now Emery is in bed , it's her 2nd night in her toddler bed and once again she went down without a fuss, and i am a little sad...because i am going to miss cuddling with her in my bed. But i am also so proud of her because she really is turning into a big girl.
But now it's time for a bubble bath and bed time and gotta pack up a lot of my stuff to take to school tomorrow...were starting chemical texturizing...woo hoo.!

How i spent my Sunday!

So one of Emery's Christmas presents was getting her room transformed into a Perfect princess room, we have been talking about it for weeks and we even let her pick the colors If anyone is curious there Behr Disney paints, the purple is posies for pooh and the pink is called pretty as a princess! So anyways we realized that this was going to be my only day off until Christmas and in order to get it done we had to do it now. Everyone contributed to this room, For Christmas my sister Teejay and her husband Jon bought all the stuff for Emmies room and its all disney princess, so they bought: The toddler bed, the kitchen, the vanity, the dresser, the table and chairs, the phone, the cd player and the lamp...yea ALOT, then my parents bought : the rug, the bedding set, the cubes, the letters for the wall, the decals anddddd all the paint!! So while Emery was with her dad on sunday we got busy from noon till 7:30, i broke everything down and pulled it out. Then me teej and my dad got busy painting...after that my dad and Jon brought all the new stuff in and us girls arranged it perfectly all while my mom made chicken and dumplings mmmm..At 7:30 i picked Emery up, she came in and was sooo excited and overwhelmed, i caught the reaction on video but it will not upload ugh...but i have pictures and i'll post them after i say this.. This room is what we call the generation room we have ALL been in there as kids, when i was born it became my room untl i was about 16 , it was my mickey mouse room as a toddler and then when i got older it was my blue with sponge painted clouds room then it became the beige room when Teejay was on bed rest and NOW it is the Princess room!! So here it is!!

The colors!

My dad edgeing, he even ruined his favorite hoody.

Almost finished!!

Finishing touches!

Seeing her new bed!





Overwhelmed by all the stuff!

Cooking in the kitchen with her Colten.

I was absolutely overjoyed on how it came out and Emery was too, she loves it and she had a great night in her new toddler bed! This wouldn't have been possible without all the amazing help from my family, they have done everything to make Emery feel like the princess we all know she is!! I am so grateful to my family.

It's 2 am

and i can't sleep

your in my thoughts and in my dreams

thousands of miles between us

but all i see are stars

wishing i could be

exactly where you are.




                            

Emmies santa picture and an update.

So as i talked about in my last post , Christmas Traditions, Emery got her Santa picture this past friday. I have been so busy with work and school i barely have time to eat but my dad was awesome enough to take Emmie for her Santa picture, Im sad that i wasn't there but at the same time i am happy it got done. Emery looked so pretty in her New Dress and luckily since the mall is right by my work my dad stopped by so that i could do Emery's hair before the picture, but my manager didn't like the way i did it and took it upon herself to do it, it looked really cute i must say. Sooo here is the picture!!

Absolutely amazing!,
After they finished with santa and lunch they came back up to my work to show me the pictures, all the girls at work swooned over Emmie in her pretty dress and the picture and my dad was very proud. Emmie told us all that she asked Santa for a princess room and a computer (ipad)... Ahh yes. 2 things Santa is delivering on ;-)

So on another note, School has been going great i absolutely love it although i have been finding it hard to want to sit in class for 4 hours when i could be home snuggling with Emery.. I have been missing her so much there is just not enough hours in the day. But my family has been amazing at taking turns watching her while i work and school. Luckily tomorrow i have a day off of work and i don't have to leave for school till 4:30pm so luckily i have most of the day to hang out with Emmie pants, i think were gonna do some running around and then cuddle and watch The Polar Express, well at least thats the plan as of now. Emery always has her own idea of how the day will go so we shall see!

Emery is potty trained now, which i love today she actually napped in panties with no accident. She is still going to sleep in diapers because she is still in a crib (till after Christmas) soo she can't exactly wake up and go to the potty.. Plus im not sure shes ready for night times in panties.. im also not sure shes ready for a toddler bed ,okay she's probably ready..but im terrified.. I am so nervous of her getting up and wandering..

I know this blog is all over the place but it's kind of an update of the last week.. So I am loving school as i posted above but i do have to rant for a second about something really irritating me.
So my school is 22,000 and although i got financial aid for a LOT of it, i still had to take out more then half in student loans..which means most of my class mates did as well.. and some of the girls in my class just don't take it seriously they think just because they want to specialize in ONE area of hair wether it be braiding or just styling that they don't need to take anything else serious. and it's well quite frankly pissing me off. We have been learning about the facial muscles and skin for facials and waxing and they just talk over the teacher, don't read the chapter so theres only about 3 of us in the class answering questions and then they show up late or not at all and expect us to give them our notes...Yea not happening..Heres the thing, if you don't want to be here then leave, i don't want you here any more then you want to be here. Plus, you HAVE ot know this stuff to pass state boards..Graduating from school doesn't mean your going to pass your boards or get a job in a salon...so suck it up and learn the material..because honestly i don't want to learn about skin legions at all either buttt..we have to so yea read the chapter please and stop relying on me to answer all the questions. We have to keep up an 80% average of attendance or we get terminated from school and the one girl in my class has missed almost every saturday the 9 weeks shes been in plus at least 1 day a week..How she is still there i have no idea i am just WAITING for her to get booted...So here is my creed to myself.

I am going to strive to do my absolute best in class, i will maintain at least a 90% attendance rate, I will get at least 90% on Every rubric and test, I will not let the warmth of my bed keep me home on saturday mornings when sleeping in seems much better then sitting in class all day on a saturday. and last.. I will , Yes i WILL graduate ON TIME and pass my state boards the FIRST time i do it! ..

I wrote that in my school binder on the first page and everday before class i re read it to myself.. These are my goals...and although at times they may seem hard to obtain, i know me and when i want something i go after it with everything i have..

With that being said...I need to study about skin legions and get some rest!! Goodnight world.

Christmas Traditions.

My family has so many Christmas Traditions all of which i love, as a child i didn't love all of them but now i long for them and since this is my first Christmas back home in 4 years i am excited for them.

1st tradition- Santa Claus pictures, it didn't matter how old you were, you were getting on santas lap for a picture..I think once i hit about 10 i DESPISED THIS, i would always try to find a way out of sitting on some creepy dude at the malls lap all for a picture my mom could put up for everyone to laugh at when they walked in.. but there was no escaping it as i got older i said screw it and gave in.. Then when i moved to cali and had Emmie my sister came to visit and it happend to be right before Christmas and we were joking about how it was the first year we both lived away and mom couldn't force us into sitting on santas lap...so you know what we did.. We drove to the mall in Oceanside and willingly sat on santas lap for a picture...we got back to my apt and instantly scanned the picture and emailed it to our parents... My mom was so happy she cried and it made me realize i actually kind of loved that tradition..Now i do it with Emmie and every year at Christmas my mom puts up huge collages of our santa pictures from over the years, Emery was getting a huge kick out of seeing me as a baby and toddler.. and i get a kick out of it too..

2nd Tradition (this one is gone sadly) - Picking out our live tree, Driving to the lot in our winter coats and snow boots was always so fun then we would pick out the perfect tree, i remember us kids would run to one we thought was perfect but Dad always got the final say..One year he was so excited about a tree and it was about  8 inches to tall and we had to cut the top off when we got it home, and then it looked like a Christmas Shrub. We would get the tree home and it would feel the whole house with the most delicious smell and we would blast Christmas music and decorate the tree. We had this angel treetopper "the ugly angel" it was this hideous angel my parents found in the attic of our house when they first moved in back in 1985 for a long time the angel wasn't hideous but over the years it didn't age well and us kids decided to give it a makeover and cut its hair making it only uglier..For years my mom tried to throw it out and we rallied around our ugly angel and put her up...One year my mom hid the ugly angel and brought home a new pretty porcelain one.. My brother sister and I took it upon ourselves to take it hostage until ugly angel was brought back....When we woke up one morning to find ugly angel back on the tree we smashed in pretty new porcelain angels face and delivered it back to my mom... okay not very nice but histerical.. Ugly angel was finally booted from the tree about 5 years ago and wrapped up and given for Christmas to my brother and his wife who still Proudly display ugly angel. The live tree disappeared when all of us had finally moved out, my dad had finally gotten sick of vaccumming up pine needles well into the summer months and they broke down and bought an artificial one..although its beautiful and i love it, its not the same.

Tradition 3-Christmas eve pajamas, Everyone got to open one gift on Christmas eve and it is always pajamas, the whole family gathers, all my siblings there spouses all the kids into my parents living room and we ALL get pj's... I loved it and i still do and all of us have continued it with our own children. Our pj's are always themed around who we are as individuals but they all sort of match..one year all the girls young and old got footie pajamas, another year we all got gorgeous chenille bath robes .. This year all the guys are getting sports related pj's  (spoiler alert) lol.. We all hang out in our pj's and talk , drink egg nog and listen to christmas carols until everyones ready for bed.

Tradition 4- Themed wrapping paper.. My parents were always great about keeping the wrapping paper that was from Santa hidden and on Christmas we would all wake up to a stack of gifts in our own wrapping paper with our stockings placed neatly on the stack ...I always loved seeing what them my wrapping paper was going to be..One year it was pretty silver stars, another care bears... This year Emerys is hello kitty since her stocking is also.

Tradition 5- Stockings filled with fruit..Ah yes, our stocking always has 1 apple 1 orange and a banana in it...luckily my parents were smart and set a large bowl on the table for us to dump our unwanted fruit into haha. But our stockings always have other stuff, chocolate, candy, for the girls make up , panties and hair stuff and sometimes jewlry.

Tradition 6- Heading to grandmas..after opening all our gifts and playing for a while we all loaded up and went to grandparents house to start cooking. My grandparents have this gorgeous house with an amazing back yard with acres of land and a HUGEEEEEEEEE POND. In the family room is this amazing open bay window that looks over the back yard and pond and in the winter the snow magically transforms it into this almost perfect winter scene.. With the Christmas tree off to the side of the window it looks like something out of a movie...it still amazes me. All of us would bring our favorite new gift and gloat about it to our cousins, we would all hang out watch Charlie browns christmas and talk until dinner was ready after that we would open our presents from our grandparents and aunts and uncles.

Traditions have slightly changed as our family has grown but it's still just as amazing, i almost feel like a kid again being back home..our christmas eve pajamas are already in gift bags under my parents tree and i want to peek to know what mine our going to look like and everytime i walk into my parents room i want to peak into their closet and see what they have gotten for stocking stuffers and for the kids ...I think Christmas is the one time we really feel like kids again. I am really excited since i am also "Santa" . This is the first time Emery is really understanding the whole Christmas and Santa thing..okay well she doesn't understand the true meaning behind Christmas, ive tried to explain but she hears one thing.. Presents, but shes only 3 , she has a lot of time to learn and i will do my best to help her  understand. I really can't wait for her to rip into her presents and see what "Santa" has brought, although part of me is sad that she won't know its from me...Is that wrong.. i dont know but either way i am excited for her and excited for Christmas.

First Day and other stuff.

Today was my first day of Cosmetology school, i was pretty excited and nervous among a few other emotions..Of course its been pouring rain for the past few days, soo on my way to school everyone on the freeway is doing 40 miles an hour..and im watching my gps arrival time get farther and farther from the time im supposed to be there.. Luckily I ended up getting there only a few minutes late but, theres only 3 people in my part time class and i wasn't the last one in , and our teacher was caught up with other tasks so it didn't matter!!  So i get to school and im shocked to see only 3 people including myself in my class, but thats pretty awesome, in our workshop theres only 8 total soo plenty of one on one time! Opening my kit was probably the best part it was seriously like Christmas.. I'll post pictures of everything in my next blog, but yea, lots of amazing stuff!! plus 5 creepy manequin heads (yuck) I have to keep them in my room since our lockers at school are nowhere near large enough and we never need all 5 at once..so now i have 5 creepy mannequin heads stuffed under my desk..Im praying they don't come to life while i sleep (If you know me well, you know my absolute fear of dolls)
Each start date has a different unit they start with first and mine happens to be...........SKIN which means makeup, waxing, facials and more ....WOO HOO!!! I couldn't be more excited makeup is my favorite thing in the world and what i want to do more then anything! ..
Workshop is going to be long and kind of boring but i just keep thinking 14 weeks and i'll be on the preformance floor putting my techniques to work..and in just a little over a year i'll be doing what i love and getting paid for it!!
My educators seem amazing besides the fact that they work as educators at my school most of them also work in a salon part time,  which makes me happy because i know they are staying up with current trends and im learning techniques to set me up for success.
Only downside of school is im part time and part time means nights, this is nice since i don't have to put emmie in day care thanks to my family but also sucks because it means , reheating up meals in the microwave, missing family time and some of my favorite shows and of course tucking my little munchkin in.. but tonight that wasn't an issue. I came home and miss Emmie was still wide awake, she has had a touch of the flu or maybe something else I'm not sure but lets just say...Emmie has destroyed a couple pairs of panties...yuck..i've seriously never seen so much liquid poop in my life... she can't even control it.
Emmie did not want to go to sleep she was having a seriously tough time tonight, and i had homework to do...Ooh the joys of  learning about bacteria, sterilization and pathogens...ew. So i brought Emery upstairs with me and she colored in my bed while i did homework...or attempted. She is finally asleep but it took a good long while poor girl. I hope she feels better soon.
Now its time for bed for this mommy, I work tomorrow and literally leave work for school...I have to keep telling myself..
This is Worth it, Your doing this for Emery and yourself...You can do it..just  breathe.

Oh the leap pad...

First let me start off this post by saying, on thanksgiving at my grandmas i was going through flyers, and i saw this AMAZING toy posted almost everywhere, called the LeapPad , made by leap frog this thing is basically a childs ipad/tablet it has a camera and video camera on the back and is all touch screen with a stylus, tons of books with games for learning and art/drawing programs. Seriously i could go on and on, youtube/google it, it's pretty amazing. I knew instantly after looking at it online and reading that it was the PERFECT gift for Emery who is Obsessed (putting it lightly) with my dads Ipad.. Well like all hot toys, Everywhere was sold out , every walmart, target, kmart, sears, toys r us..Sold out..I checked the whole state of ohio as well as a few other states... and Online SOLD OUT even the Leapfrog website was out of stock...I started to panic when i saw on amazon and ebay these toys going for 2 and 3x the retail price which is $99 ..People were profiting about a 120 bucks on these things!! RIDICULOUS!! I almost gave up but i was determined since i already bought a Tangled cartridge for it. . I signed up for sites that alerted you via email/text when a website had them in stock...But the minute i got it in my cart online...GONE.. Then came craigslist..Ooohhh craigslist.
I found someone about 40 miles south of me who had 3 pink ones listed at 180 a piece, i emailed him to see and he told me he had put them up on ebay but would take one down for me...after emailing back and fourth he told me he would sell me 1 pink Leappad with 2 $20 app cards for 160 so basically only a 20 dollar markup...We agreed to meet today.. We met at the mall and i paid him and as we were talking about how crazy it was people were sellling them for so much he started talking about his children and it was a great conversation. I went to leave and he pulls a 20 out of his pocket and hands it to me and says..I don't need a profit, lets call it equal,  Merry Christmas... I was in total shock, he was absolutely generous and did NOT need to do that considering he drove 30 min out of the way to meet me.. I hugged him and teared up. I don't think he will ever really know just how much that meant to me. It proved to me that there are still generous kind people in this world...I really needed this today. After a few more little things i got today Emery is done for Christmas. I am truly one happy mommy and all thanks to a stranger i found on craigslist, who will never completely understand just how thankful i truly am.

Some BIG changes.

Some big things are happening, On monday i start Cosmetology school, something i have wanted to do for YEARS. Ever since i started working at a salon in California back in 08 i realized i had a huge love for it, I actually enrolled in school and was set to start and then found out i was pregnant with Emery and with their absence policy i backed out before my start date. Then i stayed home with Emery and that was the most important thing. Now i am divorced and I need to provide for Emery. right now i am getting by with mostly support of my parents, but for one that is not who i am and two i feel it is important for Emery to know that even though i had her young i still achieved my goals. I am excited about starting school and also nervous, because now i will not be spending as much one on one time with  Emery because i will also be working, but i know this is whats best for us. No matter where i end up living in the long run i have to prove that I can provide for Emery and myself.  I just hope i don't end up messing everything else up..

Other things in the works, some youtube covers :-) , Our Country band is on a hiatus as of right now for winter, hoping to be back up and playing gigs in the spring, but my guitarist Art and myself will be doing some covers and getting them on youtube and also putting together a new demo of our band and getting it out to our favorite spots before spring!  Art has his guitar parts and the bass parts all recorded so all thats left is to layer in my vocals and my dads drums and VOILA! I am very excited about this, singing is a HUGE part of my life. When im upset , happy, anxious...well honestly any emotion you will here me belting out a tune somehwere around the house.. My parents say this is how they know im home most of the time..Because i'll be doing my makeup in the bathroom with Emmie by my side and were both singing loudly. I have to say I love the fact that my dad and i are in a band, I have always loved my dads passion for music and he has taught me well and also encouraged me every step of the way. The best thing is, when im nervous on stage, i just take a glance back at my dad behind the drums and he gives me that smile, the smile that says "It's alright baby girl, give it everything you got!" and my fears melt away. Plus having my dad on stage with me gives me that feeling of safety, i know no one is going to mess with me with my whole crew of "seasoned" musicians behind me..

I may come off as a very confident person, on and off stage, but the truth is, i am most certaintly not. I have so many fears, especailly right now. I am fearful of disappointing Emery (something im sure nearly every mother things at some point) , I am so very fearful of losing people in my life that mean the most.. I guess it doesnt help that i have horrible anxiety..i hide it well , but the people that know me best know when i am at my worst..

And with that being said..It's time to sleep.. and hopefully stay asleep..
Goodnight world!