yea..

pretty much...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT1-sitWRtY&ob=av2e

Thanksgiving!

This year has been an absolutely crazy one for me and it has made me very thankful.
I am thankful for my amazing family , although we drive eachother nuts most of the time, they have supported me through so much.
I am Thankful for friends, true friends, not the ones who call once a year on your birthday and pretend that they give a hoot, but my real honest to goodness friends who can tell im down or upset by the way i word a text message and instantly call me to see whats going on and do anything to cheer me up, the friends that would rather hang out with me and Emery then complain about how i "can't ever go out and do stuff" The friends who opened there house, fridge and wallet for me and Emery when we we needed it the most.
I am thankful for God, although my faith has waiverd a bit the past year, He has always been there for me picking me up when i need it and helping to remind me that things could be much worse.
I am thankful for Emery without her i would be a mess, I am thankful for her health and happiness and the fact that she can put a smile on my face no matter what.
I am thankful for Love, a love that always finds away and never falters , a love that is hard but worth it every single day.
I am thankful for my parents (i know i said family but they deserve there own shout out) My parents have done soooo much for me i can't even express it..They put a roof over me and emmie, there love and support has never waivered even when they don't quite agree with my choices. I can't imagine how it was to going from having an empty nest and 2 mouths to feed to having their adult child and toddler back with them and now 4 mouths to feed and having to give up their vehicles when i need it. I am so very lucky.

now a different list

I am thankful for my cellphone , for keeping me close to the ones i love that don't live near me and for late night calls and texts that keep me smiling for days.
I am thankful for books for keeping me occupied for hours when i don't want to think to hard about anything.
I am thankful for caffeine because most mornings i wouldn't be able to move if it wasn't for a redbull.


I am thankful to live in America I am thankful for those who serve and have served to allow me to keep my freedoms even if it means they lose most of theirs.
I try to remember all the things i am thankful for on more then just Thanksgiving, but sometimes we lose sight of what is truly important and get so caught up in our own lives that we don't see just how great we really do have it.

So to everyone. Happy Thanksgiving.. Now let the fighting over the wishbone commence!

2 things...

1. As of today, I am officially Divorced!!!

2. Potty training is going absolutely amazing, Emmie had 1 accident this morning while she was being babysat. But that was it, Today was J's birthday so he got to have Emmie for the day and he told me she did great with him and had no accidents and when she came home same thing. She even asked me to get out of the bath tub because she had to pee!! Yay, i am so happy this is going so well!

I may have another post later but right now emmie is in bed and i need to relax..today was a bit crazy.

Potty Training!

Today was Emerys first real day of potty training, last night she went pee on the potty for truly the first time and i promised her her princess tv for Christmas, if she kept going pee pee on the potty!! YES apparently the princess tv was the key. Today i had to work so first thing in the morning i changed emmie out of her pj's and into  panties and she went..Then we left for my sisters where emmie stays most mornings that i work (quick OMG i am soooo thankful for my sister) When we left i debated putting her in a diaper because honestly the thought of tearing her carseat apart to wash the cover did NOT seem appealing (graco myride 65) that things a beast.. But i went against my judgement and i didn't want Emery to think i didn't trust her soooo i got her dressed in jeans with her panties, its only a 10 min drive but it was successful nooo accidents.. When i got to my sisters to pick her up after work my sister said Emmie didn't go pee on the potty but she changed her into a diaper for nap time and the diaper was wet.. On the drive home from my sisters Emmie was in her panties and had a tiny accident, luckily it didn't soak through to the car seat (love training pants) I could tell Emmie was slightly embarassed but honestly i think she was just scared to not get her princess tv. I told her that it was totally okay and that accidents happen we just need to make sure we tell mommy next time we need to go pee before we drive. As soon as we got in okay well maybe not right away but when we got home i changed her (i wanted her to feel wet for a little while and realize its not comfortable) so after a few minutes i changed her into new panties and she went pee on the potty and then did 3 more times. Then we went out to dinner with my parents, are fast grab dinner changed to a sit down dinner when we realized are favorite "Hot dog diner" closed at 7 so we had to go someplace else..Honestly i was scared..Emery was in panties and jeans and all i could think was there was NO WAY she was not going to have an accident, we were at a restaurant without a potty chair...but alas like usual the princess amazes me , we went to the potty twice and she tried really hard but just couldn't go. So no accidents! Once we got home she went again on the potty then i changed her into a diaper and pj's and off to bed she went...Before she went to sleep she grabbed me hugged me and kissed me and said Mommy i love my panties !! which made me giggle and smile.. So our first 24 hours was a total success.. Lets hope this pattern continues..Because honestly i was going to wait till after the holidays, but if she is ready then i am MORE then ready .....
For the record. Emery will be getting her princess tv wether or not she potty trains, but it is nice to have some sort of incentive.

2 stories, so similiar and yet so different..

Some of you may know some may not, but, both my sister and I had premature babies, Emery was born at 29 weeks on Oct 30th 08 and Colten was born at 27 weeks on Dec 7th 09 just a little over a year apart.. Our stories are scary similiar and yet so different and thousands of miles away my sister and i shared a bond that no one could possibly understand. My sister and i have always been best friends...but tonight for the first time my sister and i compared and told our stories to eachother in full detail..the days leading up to birth and that crazy day , the day you realize ..I am having a baby, a premature baby...today. My sister recalls when she called me after hearing from my mom that i was in labor, she says i was in shock..i sounded so happy and not scared at all and not at all like myself..she describes me as being just completely out of it. She was crying to me and i remember that, i don't remember talking to her, but i remember being happy because i was scared, terrified that my family could sense my anguish and i knew there was nothing they could do they were thousands of miles away and couldn't be there in time.. My sister recalls coming to visit when Emery was in the nicu and felt horrible that she didn't go to the Nicu with us everytime ..she didn't then, because she didn't realize what i was feeling until she did too..
She cried and hugged me and said, i should have gone everytime.. I explained that it was alright, no one could ever know the emotions i was feeling..it's one of those things you really just can't understand till you in those shoes....

So me and my sister decided...we are going to write a book and try to get it published.. There are barely any stories about premature babies and not really any first hand stories.  So starting next week Teej and i will be writing out our stories starting with our pregnancies...the bedrest, the labor (1 vaginal and 1 c section) and the nicu stays emerys was 2 months and coltens was 4..  Maybe we can help people understand premature birth in a different way .. I don't care if our book is never published, but i hope that for sure one day Emery and Colten will read it and understand exactly why we believe they are our heroes.

Controversial subject..The Duggars

I will start by saying, 19 kids is A LOT, for anyone and in fact, i can't even fathom having that many children nor would i ever even think of having more then 5..honestly the thought of having more then 2 scares the daylights out of me.. Emery is an only child as of now..but i don't know what the future holds, so i will NOT rule out having more..
With that being said, The Duggars announced that they are pregnant with their 20th child this month.. I honestly have no problem with it, and why should I. Yes it is not something i would do but their children are raised in a Christian enviornment with extremely high values and morals and they appear to all be greatly loved and cared for and just amazing people.  No one has the right to tell anyone how many children they can and can not have. Now if they were living off welfare, couldn't pay their bills and the children were going without, i would agree with most of the population by saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. But they are not, in fact, they have NO debt. How many people do you know have no debt..I doubt even one.
Here is my problem, When people say they Duggars, shouldn't have any more children it isn't because the ammount or even their ages..Their main argument is, "They almost lost their last baby" .. By that logic, should any parent of a child who was born prematurely just NOT have any more children. I refuse to agree with this, 1 in 8 babies born in the US will be born premature.. (Before 37 weeks gestation is considered premature/preterm)  So since Emery was born 11 weeks early at just 29 weeks and had her fair share of issues in the Nicu, should i just be told by every doctor that i shouldn't have any more children. No, i was 19 and perfectly healthy when i had Emery premature and i do not believe that this should hinder my deciscion on future children. Yes, i know i will be high risk next time, i also know there is a pretty high chance my next child will be born premature as well and it is a scary thought. Emery is a healthy 3 year old and even with some lingering things that have followed us from the Nicu (respitory infections and digestion issues) the good outweighs the bad by 100% . So the argument that since their last was premature they shouldn't have another disgusts me. I understand that she had preeclampsia which led to their premature birth but even still...Read up on it, it doesn't happen with every child.. Some women will suffer from it with one pregnancy and not have it at all with the next. Yes i also understand she is older, so her chances go up for down syndrome and other chromosonal defects.. but still.. My whole point is, This is their choice, we have no right to say they shouldn't they know the risks.. So to the Duggars who i know will never read my blog and honestly probably don't care at all what people say, I say Congratulations.

P.s, i never spell check my writing, i write exactly what im feeling, if there is a comma in the wrong spot..oh well.. Precisely Paula means exactly that...

Warm November day = photo shoot with emmie

The joke about Cleveland is, if you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes...This is so true.
Today was a gorgeous November day, it was probably a good 65 degrees maybe warmer, honestly i didn't check, but it was very windy. I knew that Emmie and i would absolutely have to venture outside and enjoy it as much as we could considering very shortly the two of us will be stuck in by the snow.. Although i can't wait to enjoy winter activities with Emmie! .. So today we went outside and played and i grabbed the camera and snapped some absolutely amazing shots of  Emmiesaurus.. It was only about 4 pm but the clouds were so dark it looks like the sun has set already..I'm thankful i got the pictures when i did because just 20 min after we went inside, it started storming and the whole state was under a tornado watch.. Don't worry we would have been safe, we would have went to the Cleveland Browns Stadium..where there hasn't ever been a touchdown .. ;-) (no i didn't create that, but i saw it and laughed so hard i knew i had to post it)
Here are some pictures from are warm November day!

beautiful girl

wind was blowing her hair

she was dancing to "calling all the monsters"

she has my personality for sure

runnnn

love this

she wanted me to take a picture of her shoes.

i had to beg her not to eat this plant...she didn't listen..

That smile of hers can brighten up even the most terrible day, she doesn't know it and she will probably never understand, but she is my Hero.

Emerys 3rd birthday party, plus more..

So i know it's a little late, well about 2 weeks, but here are the pictures from Emmies party!

As i said before J and i were able to throw a conjoined party for Emmie and we got along, so it was a great success!

Emery's cupcakes and rapunzel doll centerpiece made by her auntie

Princess in the leaves!

Emery and her dad.

poking my nose...

My princess, the love of my life.

Her party was great and she was absolutely spoiled, as usual.. but now that she is 3 i am going to recap just a bit from 3 years earlier...

When Emmie came into this world she did it with a dramatic fashion, totally her style.. and on her own terms.
I went to the hospital on Oct 25th because i was having contractions and they were coming exactly 15 minutes apart, odd since braxton hicks are supposed to be sporatic and i was only 29 weeks..
They checked me and hooked me up to the monitors, i was 1cm but after an hour nothing changed so they sent me home. They said to call if i had anymore symptoms..but that some women are 1cm up until they give birth..
I went home and the next day was worse, i was in my college math class and the contractions were worse..I ignored it figuring the doctors were right and this was normal...(ah, if i had known) Tuesday rolled around and i went to work on my feet in a salon for 8 hours..the contractions were now about 7 min apart..and i had some other symptoms so i called labor and delivery and explained, the nurse on the other line said i was experencing braxton hicks contractions, i needed to relax and was told DO NOT come in unless your water breaks or you start bleeding.... So off to bed i went. Wednesday was worse, by far, i went off to my math class and barely made it through the hour and a half..and after the 15 min drive home..i was ready to cry..So i came home and napped.. Then that night when i went to bed, i didn't sleep i was tossing and turning all night, the contractions were about 3 min apart..and by the time one finished the next one was starting, i took 3 baths (hoping it would help) i had a heating pad on my back , basically i tried everything.. When J woke up in the morning he had realized i didn't sleep and told me we were going in to the hospital , i argued saying i was being a hypocondriac and that they were just going to send me home again...Then i had the sudden urge to pee so ran into the bathroom...there was blood, not alot but enough for me to say get your shit were going now... I didn't bring a thing with me..just my purse with my ID, thankfully my camera was in my purse!
When we got to labor and delivery it was about 7:30 in the morning, they put me in a room and went to check me... The doctor didn't even get the speculum in when she looked up and said..Your 7 cm ...your in labor..and started paging people... Next thing i know there is about 10 people in my tiny room, im getting an iv in my hand, stabbed in the other arm with a steroid shot and a catheter...

I was then wisked away to another MUCH BIGGER room. They told me they thought they could get me to hold off for another 24 hours so i could get another steroid shot, and they started me on an IV of magnesium to stop my contractions..Thats when we realized Emery was coming..We started calling family and friends.. They tried to sound excited but the truth was they were just as fearful as us..My mom and dad asked the tough questions, "how big is she going to be?" "Whats the survival rate of a 29 weeker?".... Survival rate, wait what.. the fear sunk in but i was in so much pain and the magnesium was making me feel lightheaded hot and sicker then ive ever felt before..When we asked the dr how big they thought she was, she responded..were thinking shes close to 3lbs..but her lungs are not mature enough to breathe on their own hence the steroid shot for her lungs.. I was scared but while talking to family i put on a smile and pretended that everything was going to be just fine.. but the truth was i was thousands of miles from everyone i cared about and i was scared to death.. I was scared that my body had failed the child i was meant to protect.
After a few hours on mag i was checked again, and they realized.. Emery was on her way and now i was 9cm. A team of doctors flew in for Emery the hospital i was at had no nicu, i had a team of 4 doctors emmie had 3 pediatricians in the room, plus the flight crew, a midwife and about 20 nursing student.. Yea...awkward but at that point i didn't care and Emery was born..I heard a tiny cry and the doctors say 1 minute of life, 2 minutes of life, 3 minutes of life..and she was wisked away... She was lifeflighted to another hospital and i couldn't leave to go there till the next day... Here are some pictures from the most terrifying yet exciting day of my life..

First time i saw emmie, shes in her isolette with her flight team, ready to take off.

In her isolette..so little 3lbs 12oz

1 week after she was born, after a bath, so adorable.

She spent a grand total of 2 months in the nicu...I remember how slow it seemed to go by but looking back now i barely remember it.. I am so thankful for the team who delivered her but even more so for her Nicu team of nurses.. They cherished and loved Emery as if she was their own child. I'm so very thankful for my little miracle.

court..

J and i had our court date to be divorced on 10/28, 2 days before our daughters 3rd birthday...awkward.

I have said this before and i will say it again.. I am that 1%...If it can go wrong, it will go wrong...
Jokingly , the night before court i say to my mom.. Should i call  my lawyer and make sure he's coming tomorrow, she laughs and says "no paula, he's your lawyer he will be there!" to which i say, well i sure hope so...

So i am sure you can guess who didn't show up to our divorce...yep , my lawyer...awesome, he never got the notice from the court. I did, J did, our judge did...but my lawyer...nope didn't get it.. I can't be mad i jinxed myself...even though i knocked on wood ..stupid superstitions

J and i were civil , and 2 days later we had a conjoined birthday party for Emery and it went GREAT! Better then i expected, Emery was spoiled rotten...my next blog post will be about her party with some pictures of course!!

But for now our court date is rescheduled for 11-22, J's birthday .. yea.. just my luck.