this is gonna be a long one, sorry folks!

Wow, i can't believe it's been so long since i updated this, i guess life got the best of me!
So maybe i can do a quick wrap up of 2012 and start a new!

At the end of June, Emery and I set off for Idaho, We were only able to spend a week since i was in school but we made the best of it! Blaines family took Emery right in, spending time with her and the kids just loved her, she got to experience a little freedom as i watched her jump on a trampoline with all the other kids. It took her a little while but she quickly got the hang of it, and was totally amazed at watching the "big" kids aka Adults flip around and do tricks. We got to spend the 4th of July there which is EPIC by the way, they put on a HUGE show and Emery loved it, in fact she still brings up the fireworks! We took her to the zoo and just had a blast with her, I think her favorite thing was the farm itself, she loved the calfs and the horses and even helped push up feed. She idolizes Blaine and for that i am thankful.
I would love to upload pics but apparently my computer isn't allowing me to do so! oh well i guess.

The week flew by and we were on our way back to Ohio, and coming home was a little different then we expected. We came to a house turned upside down, my parents had moved out and my sister who was pregnant her husband and son had moved in. So Emery and I now have the upstairs. It's been difficult living with them but i am thankful that Emery and I have somewhere to live and rent free.


The rest of the summer flew by and i had another trip planned by myself for Idaho in september, I went for 10 days, the whole reason for this trip was the Eastern Idaho State Fair! WORTH IT! Every year they take certain cows to "show" at the Fair , basically they walk a cow that is ridiculously clean  into a show ring and some cow expert judges it. Okay so i am sure there is way more to it then that, but for an outsider that really is about how it seems. The fair is alot of hard work, they spent months preparing the cows they selected and there is a reason for each and everyone of them. I got inititated by being on poop duty, basically every time one of the cows pooped you would flip it over in the straw and wipe their butts. Yes i wiped cow butt,  i also styled their "frontline" and tail, it is important that certain aspects of the cow look a certain way. Lynn my soon to be father in law even let me show their biggest cow Larissa, i showed her in 3 events and let me just tell you, she is the sweetest thing ever. She just walked right next to me while i held her lead and to be honest i think she knew i was a little terrified because she did all the work. I felt honored to be apart of it, the whole family showed up and it was an all around great time with lots of laughs, ice cream and cow poop. Blaine and I slept on the trampoline the first night I got their, which is something i have wanted to do my entire life. We took out our sleeping bags and then had a big comforter underneath and over us. I laid there just looking up at the stars for what seemed like hours, In the city you rarely get to see the stars like that, it was one of the moments I'll cherish forever with Blaine. We did a few other fun things that trip, we saw movies, we went to the museum and saw the King Tut exhibit and we went to Lagoon! While at the fair Blaine and all his siblings were discussing how they need to get together and just have a sibling day and Lagoon was brought up, It's an amusement park in Utah, They discussed getting together the weekend after i left and i chimed in and suggested the next weekend. We didn't think it was possible but somehow all the siblings were able to make it, and Me! No other spouses or significant others came so i felt a little like i was intruding but i guess none of the others are really into amusement parks any how so it wasn't to big a deal. Although it is no cedar point (largest amusement park in the world, located right here in Ohio) it was definitely the most fun i've ever had at an amusement park. They all relived their childhoods and i feel blessed that i have In laws who really consider me part of the family. This trip also flew by and once again i was headed back to Ohio.

October was an up and down month, Emery got really sick for about the umpteenth time in 2012 once again having to be on steroids and breathing treatments , this time thought it was the week of her birthday. We planned a huge party for her, a halloween themed birthday party, and although she was a slight mess at her party she enjoyed it. I had fun watching her admire all the fun stuff me and my parents hung up while she was with her Father the night before. We had all sorts of fun not scary halloween things throughout the whole house and lots of cake and cupcakes! The day after cleveland got hit by hurricane sandy and it put a lot of places out with no power. So No school, 5 days in a row i went without school. It sucked. It was nice though since Emery was sick i was able to stay home with her, Trick or Treating was postponed by the city so we celebrated it the sunday after halloween. Emery was still a little sick, but i let her venture out with her older cousins 18, 13 and 11 and I stayed behind with my older sister to pass out candy. Her neighborhood is filled with kids so it was a blast, Emery made it about 2 blocks before the girls had to bring her back home, then they continued on their way.

November seemed to fly by and to be honest i don't remember much of it, I was in the zone at school being so close to finishing and trying to make Star student a second time before graduating so my books were filled with apts.

December wasn't much better it seemed to fly by, Before the hurricane i was supposed to go to Idaho for Christmas, I was supposed to graduate Sat the 22nd and then fly out. But because of 5.5 missed school days it pushed me back and because of weekends and Holidays it pushed me into January. I was a little bummed but it was also fun to celebrate Christmas with my own family.

2012 was a great year and definitely one i will never forget. 2013 seems to be starting off the same way!

If you made it through this thanks!! I am going to start updating more frequently now!

sorry for the lack of updates!

I have been busy busy busy, since it has been beautiful out i have been spending most days out in the park or backyard with Emmie, she loves the sunshine just as much as i do, if not more. Her favorite thing to do is go play in the creek in the shallow area and throw rocks. She could do this for hours if i let her, tha girl hates to be dirty but if it involves water she seems more then okay with it, so we probably do this 2 to 3x a week! School has also been keeping me busy, i usually have at least 1 client a night, sometimes 2 depending on what the service is. School has been great, some days i just don't want to go because it's so nice out but i am glad i have been dragging my butt there everyday because i am close to making star student ! Basically if you have over 80% attendance, over a certain amount in service volume and retail you make star, which equals alot of perks! I've also been busy planning mine and emmies idaho trip! We are both super excited, Emmie can't stop talking about her daddy Blaine and seeing the cows. We have quite a few fun things planned for this trip, our engagement pictures, trying on wedding dresses, bonfires, taking emmie to see the movie Brave (still deciding on this one) , Blaine wants to teach me how to golf and just all around fun with family! I really can not wait, i miss Blaine a ton and i need a vaca. I hope to do a better update soon, but for now this will have to do!

How do you do it?

I am asked this question alot in reference to different things. A lot of times they are referring to being a single mom and going to school. My answer is always the same, I have A LOT of support. Not just emotionally but even financially right now. Truthfully i hate relying on my parents for financial support, since i was 18 i have lived on my own and paid my own bills and now the roles are reversed and i feel like a teenager again. I am grateful, very grateful for it. They know that school is my main focus, and they support me and want me to do the best. Being a Mommy, student, and working was hard. I was exhausted, and i loved it, but i rarely saw Emery, and that killed me and they knew it.

But the other times I am asked "How do you do it?" they are talking about my relationship with Blaine, my fiance. I can't say its easy, because it definitely is not, but our love is easy. We both know long distance is hard, so we communicate more often. Even if we aren't talking on the phone we send eachother many texts through out the day just letting eachother know what the other is up to. For instance i sent him a text today just saying "I hope your day is going good, i love you" and he sent me back 3 pictures of a broken down tractor.... Thats just how we are, when we talk on the phone sometimes its for a brief few minutes and were trying to cram the whole day into one fast coversation because the other has something going on, and other times we talk for hours and hours on end about everything and yet nothing.  Communication is key in a long distance relationship, heck it's key in any relationship, but especially a big deal in long distance. We talk about everything from minor details of the day that really don't matter to how many children we would like to have, and how far should they be spaced apart. When i see it's him calling on my phone, my heart races. Hearing his voice makes my day 100000x better...almost instantly. The other big thing is trust, I trust him completely and he trusts me.... thats all there is to it. When you love and care about someone this much, it's easy.
From the moment i meant Blaine, there was something about him. Our first few times hanging out was just long talks about our lives, where we grew up, what we did, our families... It was easy to fall in love with him, and he knew it. I think he knew i was in love with him before i knew. Thats how it's always been though, he knows me better then i know myself.  When i tell him a story i've told him 3x before, he doesn't cut me off he just laughs when i'm done and says, "babe, i've heard that story 4x now" and as i am prefusely apologizing for my shortcomings i hear him smile and say, that's why i love you. Being far away from him sucks, i dream pretty much everynight of coming home from school and seeing his truck parked out my house and then having one of those made for tv movie moments where both people just go running to eachother then magically it's raining and there kissing in the rain.... yea....i seriously dream about that. I'm really blessed, God knew what he was doing with my life, i told Blaine the other night that i feel like God stepped in when we were probably both about 16 and said...these two have to meet. How can i make it happen? ....and everything was lined up. Slightly unorthodox, yet i still feel that God had his hand in the mix.  We found eachother, and he saved me.

I think the next time someone asks me "how do you do it?" i might just respond... How could i not?

new to me car!

Since last may when i moved back home from California, i haven't had a car. In the summer it worked well because my dad has a classic 1964 Simca that he drives to his drum lessons since there 30 seconds up the street and i would have his jeep but once winter hit and the Simca went back into storage, i was out of luck. My dad and i would trade and barter his jeep, whoever had more important stuff to do got the jeep, or sometimes he would drive me to work and take it for the day. Then my ex husband got a DUI (idiot) and since he couldn't drive and i co-signed on the car, he handed the keys over to me. I had the car for about 4 months from november till march, which worked perfectly. Then he got his driving privelages back and i had to hand over the keys..which sucked. That was the same week Blaine came into town, however my best friend was out of town the same week and she let me use her car. I have been very blessed to have so many generous people handing over their keys to me...butttt i have been longing for my own car. Something that is strictly MINE!
For the past month i have been perusing craigslist for hours on end searching for the perfect car in my 3000 budget....although i have to say when it comes to cars i am quite picky. Growing up with my dad and brother as car buffs i've learned quite a lot. I was searching for a Saab, but not just any Saab, i wanted the PERFECT Saab.
   My family loves Saabs, My grandpa owned one, My dad has one (being restored), My brother has had a few and has one now, My sister and brother in law own 3 (2 being restored) Sooo we know the car well... to say the least.   I was being quite picky with my search and also had my dad and brother on the hunt....until we found this gem.  A 1989 (same age as me) Saab 900 turbo convertible with only 75,000 miles that has never ever seen a winter..... downfall.... It's stick. We went to see it this past friday and i fell in love, i had to have it.  My dad had to test drive it since i couldn't drive stick...till today, and my dad also fell in love with it. I have a feeling it will be going to Carlisle for their annual Saab car show this may...
  So today i became a proud owner of a Saab 900 turbo..

She's allll mine!

People may not think she is pretty and heck she's kinda old, but she is perfect to me, were bonding over our age!
Luckily, right after we bought her we went to dinner at my brothers house, and he needed something from the store so he handed me my keys and said...come on lets go. Of course i said no, i don't know how. He laughed and replied, yea, and now your gonna learn...come on. So he pulled it out and took it around the block explaining things the whole way. Then it was my turn. I stalled out...alot but once i got going i had no problems shifting, down shifting or breaking....just the stopping and starting.. At one point on a side street (yes we only took side streets) I came to a stop and a truck pulled right up to my bumper, i got nervous and started to panic , and stalled out...then stalled out again, and again.. After about 3x i was almost in tears because i had actually been doing pretty great till then. The truck floored around me and the driver screamed "Learn how to drive strick *******. I had tears in my eyes and yelled..thats what i'm doing.. However my brother got out of the car and screamed ITS HER FIRST TIME JERK! My big bro can be quite protective. After that things went smoothly. After we left the store we practiced some starts and stops in the parking lot and i got a LOT better. Still having trouble with the whole feathering off the clutch giving a little gas thing. But, i have to say, Blaine would be proud of his fiance if he saw how well i did. After dinner my dad drove the car home and i took it around the block a few times all by myself..and did perfectly. I think i'll be ready to start commuting in her in about a week.  Until then, i'll keep practicing, and admiring my pretty new car.

ahhhh perfection...

Just a little rant...

Being a young mother, i have witnessed quite a lot of judgement from others, who know nothing about me. Everything from rude glares, to smart comments, and very personal questions. If you know me as most of you who read this do, it comes as no surprise that i am quite witty and usually have something smart to say back. That being said sometimes i just can NOT believe what comes out of peoples mouths.
The reason i bring this up is today i was shopping at walmart for spring clothes for Emmie, the temp here in Cleveland has sky rocketed and it has been in the 80's almost everyday for the past 2 weeks, and most of emmies clothes from last summer just dont fit.
 So today, while out shopping with Emery and my dad, my dad and i seperated for a few minutes while i was looking at clothes with Emmie and he was looking for the sunscreen i needed. Emmie was kind of in a bad mood she hadn't napped and i had errands to run before her father came to get her so we went. Emmie was holding one of the shirts i was getting her and it kept slipping off the hanger and she would cry, and i would fix it, and this went on.... Well a woman walked by me, with her teenage daughter during this and looked at her daughter and said.. and i quote "I feel like im watching an episode of 16 & pregnant"  I didn't really know wether to laugh or cry. So i looked at her and said "Excuse me!" and she just laughed and kept walking.

When my dad came back over i didn't even tell him, there was no point because he probably would have hunted the woman down and had quite a few not so nice things to say to her. Besides it isn't the first time something like that has been said to me. The crazy thing to me, this woman doesn't know me at all, she has no clue of my age, my relationship ..or even if i was just baby sitting. She knew NOTHING! All she saw was emmie crying over her shirt falling off of the hanger and me putting it back on and telling her to be more careful so her new shirt doesn't get dirty. How that screams episode of 16 & pregnant i'm not sure.  So while I am already on a rant, i will share some other examples.

One time, while out with Emery shopping at babies r us in California a woman came over to gush over how cute Emery was. Being who i am i said aw thank you, then she asked if i had any more children to which i kindly replied, "Nope, she is my one and only for now" then she said "Well thats good, being a teen mother to one is hard enough, let alone more." Now maybe this woman was a teen mom and she was just trying to be sweet...but I was 21...she didn't ask my age, she had NO clue! I simply smiled and walked the other way.

Another time, When i was teaching sunday school at my old church i subbed in for the nursery class that Emery was in, normally i taught 3 year olds but it was my off week and the nursery for "waddlers and walkers" was short handed, so i offered to help. There was only one women in there that i had never worked with, and at first she didn't know Emery was my daughter. So at one point, Emery was playing with another little girl who was about the same age 18 or so months at the time, and This little girl stole the ball Emmie was playing with, and like any toddler would do, Emery pushed her down. I was busy tending to other kids and there was alot of help there so obviously i didn't respond. Also because as Emery's mom i wanted Emery to respect other adults. This woman (ugh i wish i rememberd her name) made some remark about how "Emery just didn't ever play well with others because she was obviously spoiled" to another helper..who knew i was Emery's mom.. and she kind of just stood there dumbfounded. I heard this and turned to the woman and said.. Yes my daughter IS SPOILED and YES she is an only child... But she isn't acting ANY different then any of these other toddlers do when one of the toys they are playing with gets taken away. She quickly apologized but then started asking me all these questions.. The one that got me the most was.. "Why did you want to have a child so young?" .... i don't quite remember what my answers were and i do remember the questions getting more probing.. and i also remember requesting to never work with her again.. which i didn't.. actually i never saw her again. I complained to our cordinator because i felt that she wasn't setting a very good "Christian" example especially for the young teens we had that often helped us. So maybe they decided to not let her work there...

My whole point for this blog is, to just make people think before they pass judgement. I know we all do we are only human. But maybe next time you see a mother struggling with her child.. say something like.. "oh man i've had those days" with a smile or, even help her out. Or get to know a person if you think they are struggling, maybe you could be a blessing to them. I wouldn't trade being a young mother for anything in the world. Emery was the best deciscion i ever made. I just hope that as she grows up she knows what a blessing she is to me, and i'll be sure to remind her every chance i get.

With all that being said, i am off to sleep!

a fun picture post..

I meant to post these in my last blog but my computer was being really terrible yesterday soooo here they are...

i actually remember this day we were both sick haha

Blaines 22nd birthday dinner...you can't tell because its dark but we were standing on the cliffs with the ocean behind us.

shes loved him since day one.. She had just turned 2

one of my all time favorites

love this one <3

  These pictures make me smile..I am so thankful for camera phones haha

Were engaged!

So there was one thing i didn't mention in my last blog... because we wanted our family and friends to hear it first from us and not a blog or someone else but now everyone knows soooo i can say it!
He asked and i said Yes! Of course i did i would have been a fool not to! I am so very blessed to have found someone that doesn't just love me but loves Emery as well. From day one Blaine knew that it wasn't just me, and thats tough especially since he was 21 when we started dating. He definitely could have ran in the opposite direction as fast as possible but he didn't!
 Blaine was instantly connected with not just me but Emmie as well, and everything just kind of fell into place with us. I am so very excited to join his family, i love them all so much and have felt like part of the family since the first time he brought me home to meet everyone!
I can't wait for us to start our life together. This is just the beginning....